Are you a parent that roars? Let’s face it; sometimes parenting feels like surviving in a world full of tiny velociraptors. They’re loud, messy, unpredictable, and occasionally bite.
You’re running on little sleep, reheating your coffee for the third time, and someone just dumped a whole container of cereal onto the floor and suddenly, your inner T-Rex lets out a mighty roar.
Yelling happens; we all do it, but it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It usually means you’re a tired, overwhelmed human doing your best with limited resources. The truth is, most of us weren’t taught how to regulate our emotions while caregiving but it is possible to shift from reactive roars to calm connections.
This post offers a deeper understanding of why yelling happens, what it does to our brains and our kids’ brains, and some gentle, science-backed ways to create more peace (and fewer Jurassic-sized meltdowns) in your home.
*Scroll to the end for a Quick Read and Mini Quiz - Fierce or Serene? What's Your Prehistoric Parenting Vibe?
The Brain on Yelling: What’s Really Going On?
When yelling enters the dialogue, whether we’re dishing it out or receiving it, our brains immediately shift into survival mode.
At the center of this process is the amygdala, the brain’s threat detection system; you can compare it to a smoke detector because it senses danger and sounds the alarm. When someone yells, our amygdala perceives that sound as a threat, even if it’s not physically dangerous. It activates the fight, flight, or freeze response, flooding the body with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Heart rate spikes. Muscles tense. Breathing becomes shallow.
Here’s the most frustrating part: when the amygdala is activated, the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, impulse control, and empathy) goes offline. This is why kids often react with more defiance or shutdown when yelled at. They literally can’t process what’s being said; their bodies are just trying to stay “safe.”
Long-Term Effects of Yelling on Kids
Chronic exposure to yelling doesn’t only affect behavior in the moment; unfortunately, it can have lasting effects on a child’s developing brain.
- Emotional regulation challenges: Kids may become more reactive or anxious over time.
- Increased aggression or withdrawal: Depending on temperament, children might mirror yelling or retreat from connection.
- Altered brain processing: Research shows that children regularly exposed to verbal aggression may have changes in brain regions linked to sound and emotional processing.
That doesn’t mean one bad day will ruin your child, but it does show why it’s worth practicing alternatives. The brain is incredibly adaptive; with consistent repair and positive interactions, neural pathways can rewire toward connection and regulation.
Why Parents Roar: It’s Not Just About the Kids
Let’s be honest; most yelling has more to do with the parent’s state than the child’s behavior. Understanding your own triggers is imperative.
We’re more likely to raise our voices when we are:
- Sleep-deprived or mentally exhausted
- Overstimulated by noise, clutter, or multiple demands
- Running on an empty tank; physically, emotionally, or nutritionally
- Feeling powerless, unheard, or disrespected
- Triggered by old wounds from how we were parented
You might think you're yelling because your child won’t put their shoes on but the deeper reason might be that you’re rushing to get out the door, you're worried about being late to work again, and you're carrying the invisible weight of doing it all.
That roar? It’s often a cry for help from your own nervous system.
Practical Alternatives to Yelling
You don’t have to go extinct with guilt. Here are some easy, effective strategies to help you (and your kids) shift from “roaring” to regulating.
1. The Deep Breath Reset
When you feel yourself on the edge, stop and take three deep breaths. Imagine you’re a slow-moving brontosaurus, not a frantic raptor. Breathe in through your nose, fill your belly, and exhale slowly. Even just 10 seconds of intentional breathing can start to calm your nervous system.
Tip: Watching a Calm Down Jar or fish swimming in a fish tank helps slow breathing.
2. Name It to Tame It
Say what you're feeling out loud—"I’m overwhelmed" or "I feel rushed"—without blame. This not only models emotional intelligence but also helps you return to a thinking state once you’ve identified both the emotion and the trigger.
Tip: Writing in a journal can help you clarify big feelings. For kids, a good first step is learning to identify feelings, and Color Monster can help!
3. Get Low, Go Slow
Lower your voice instead of raising it. Physically get down to your child’s level. Making eye contact and using a calm tone activates their mirror neurons; encouraging them to match your energy instead of escalating.
4. Make It Playful (When You Can)
Humor is a powerful nervous system hack. Try turning into a dinosaur on purpose:
“Uh-oh, Mama-saurus is stomping around. I better go have a snack before I erupt!”
Play can diffuse tension and reconnect you both. Just keep it respectful; humor should be an invitation, not a weapon.
Tip: Parenting With Humor is a brilliant hack for connecting and reducing conflict.
5. Create a ‘Roar Recovery Plan’
Instead of relying on willpower in the heat of the moment, plan ahead:
- Identify your top triggers: chaos, running late, etc.
- Build in “mini moments” of regulation: stretching, snacking, stepping outside
- Get support: enlist a partner, therapist, or friend for check-ins
Tip: Calm Down Cards or mantras can help ground you in chaotic moments.
Repair Is More Powerful Than Perfection
Even if you’ve yelled, all is not lost. In fact, what you do after yelling is often more important than whether you yelled at all.
Repair sounds like:
- “I’m sorry I yelled. That wasn’t your fault.”
- “I was feeling out of control, and I’m working on finding better ways to show my feelings.”
- “You didn’t deserve that. Can we try again together?”
These moments rebuild trust; they also teach your child that mistakes don’t define us and that relationships can heal.
Always Be Evolving
Your tendency to “roar” isn’t a moral failure; it’s a message. It’s a warning sign that means something needs to change, maybe your pace, your expectations, your self-care, or your support system. If parenting sometimes feels like you’re trying to tame wild dinosaurs with nothing but a granola bar and a prayer, you’re not alone. This job is hard, but you’re not stuck. With awareness, compassion, and a few deep dino-breaths, you can lead your family with more calm, humor, and joy.
Mini Quiz: Fierce or Serene? What's Your Prehistoric Parenting Vibe?
Parenting this summer feels…prehistoric. Take our quick quiz to find out which dino matches your style, and get tips to channel your inner calm.
Q1: Your toddler spills juice again. You…
A. Say “Accidents happen” and grab a rag.
B. Take a deep breath… then mutter under your breath.
C. STOMP, ROAR, and SLAM a door. (Then feel bad.)
D. Laugh and make a joke (so you don’t cry).
Q2: Baby Shark has been playing for 45 minutes. You…
A. Meditate in place.
B. Fantasize about noise-cancelling headphones.
C. Bring the drama and screech for silence.
D. Join in (Grandma Shark doo doo doo…).
Q3: Your calm-down move is:
A. Yoga or journaling.
B. Scrolling memes in the bathroom.
C. Yelling into a pillow (primal scream, T-Rex style).
D. Baking or crafting your feelings.
Check Your Results:
Mostly A’s – The Balanced Brachiosaurus
Chill and steady, you keep the herd moving with calm. Try yoga cards or journals to maintain your groove.
Mostly B’s - The Escaping Elasmosaurus
You’re an expert in quiet retreats and creating an imaginary forcefield around your sanity. You’re not avoiding; you’re self-preserving. Crafts and coloring, or small grounding rituals, can help you recharge without totally checking out.
Mostly C’s – The Tantrum T-Rex
Big-feels and a little loud. Stress-reducers, like fidgets, coloring books, and puzzles can help you roar less and relax more.
Mostly D’s – The Playful Pteranodon
You soar above the stress with humor and creativity. Craft kits and games are your perfect companions.
Explore Prehistoric Pals to Match Your Vibe
Quick Read:
· Feeling like a parenting T-Rex? You’re not alone.
o Yelling is often a sign of overwhelm, not failure — and there are ways to roar less and connect more.
· Yelling triggers the brain’s threat response.
o For both you and your child, it shuts down reasoning and ramps up stress.
· Long-term yelling impacts kids' emotional regulation.
o But the brain can heal through repair and connection.
· Try this instead:
o Breathe like a brontosaurus
o Say what you feel
o Use calm tones + humor
o Create a “Roar Recovery Plan”
· Repair beats perfection.
o Own the moment, apologize, reconnect. Every roar is a chance to grow.
About the Author:
Paige Whitley is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Florida. With over 3 years of dedicated experience, Paige has become a trusted ally for diverse populations, including the neurodivergent community, trauma survivors, substance abuse sufferers, and those navigating general mental health challenges. Since 2010, Paige has impacted young lives through her work as a lifeguard, swim teacher, behavior technician, nanny, and counselor. When not at work, she indulges in the magic of Disney Parks, enticing culinary adventures, and family time with her husband, fur babies, and baby Whitley. Passionate and empathetic, she's a catalyst for positive change, committed to making a difference in her community's mental health landscape.
References
Teicher, M. H., Samson, J. A., Polcari, A., & McGreenery, C. E. (2006). Sticks, stones, and hurtful words: Relative effects of various forms of childhood maltreatment. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 163(6), 993–1000.
Gershoff, E. T. (2002). Corporal punishment by parents and associated child behaviors and experiences: A meta-analytic and theoretical review. Psychological Bulletin, 128(4), 539–579.
