Mother's Day is a time to celebrate the women who nurture, protect, and hold our families together.
We shower them with cards, flowers, and breakfasts in bed—but what if one of the most meaningful gifts we could give is the willingness to truly see them? To understand not just what they do but what they carry?
This Mother's Day, let's talk about the mental load.
What Is the Mental Load?
The mental load isn't about the physical tasks of parenting and running a household—it's about the constant, invisible management of those tasks. It's remembering when the doctor's appointment is, knowing the shoe sizes, noticing the toilet paper is running low, planning meals, buying birthday presents, scheduling dentist visits, signing permission slips, keeping track of school spirit days, and organizing family holidays.
It's not just the "doing" but the thinking, anticipating, planning, and worrying—all happening behind the scenes. This cognitive labor doesn't clock out. It often runs on a loop in the minds of mothers, even late into the night when the house is quiet.
Moms aren't just multitasking—they're multi-thinking. And over time, that invisible mental juggling act can become incredibly heavy.
The Emotional Toll of Carrying the Mental Load Alone
When the mental load falls disproportionately on one person—usually the mother—it can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and burnout. Even in homes where physical responsibilities are split, the emotional labor often remains lopsided.
What does that look like?
• A mom who remembers the class snack is due but still has to remind someone else to pack it.
• A mom who's tired of being the default parent for school calls, playdate coordination, and emotional support.
• A mom who feels like the project manager of her household, with no paid time off and no backup team.
It's not that partners or children don't want to help. Often, it's simply that the family structure has unconsciously designated mom as the keeper of all things. Because this work is invisible, it can go unnoticed and unacknowledged until the weight becomes too much to bear.
Why Does This Happen?
Societal norms play a significant role. Many of us were raised in households where mothers "just handled" things. Even in progressive families, these old patterns can sneak in.
It can also stem from a lack of communication. Often, moms don't want to be seen as nagging or controlling, so they internalize more and more tasks without asking for help. Or they do ask—but the help they receive still requires supervision or reminders, which adds to their mental load rather than relieving it.
Sharing the Load
So, how do we make the mental load more equitable? Here are some compassionate, concrete ways families can share the load—and help moms feel truly supported:
1. Acknowledge It
The first step is simply recognizing the mental load. Have open, honest conversations about what tasks are being managed behind the scenes. Ask the mothers in your life what's been on their minds lately—and listen without jumping to problem-solving. Validation goes a long way; sometimes, it just feels good to be seen.
2. Make the Invisible Visible
Try writing down everything that needs to happen in a typical week, from meals and laundry to bedtime routines, sports schedules, and emotional support. When the list is on paper, the distribution of labor becomes clearer—and easier to talk about.
3. Divide Responsibility, Not Tasks
Instead of asking, "What can I do to help?" (which still makes mom the manager), try taking full ownership of a category. For example:
• One parent is entirely in charge of school communications.
• Another handles all birthday parties and gifts.
• A teen might be responsible for dinner one night a week, from planning to clean-up.
When someone owns a category, they also own the thinking, planning, and follow-through—freeing up space in mom's mind.
Help distribute responsibility with easy to follow job charts.
4. Teach the Next Generation
Equity at home starts with what we model for our children. Both boys and girls should learn to notice needs, take initiative, and participate in household management. Normalize shared responsibility from an early age.
Chalk & Chuckles Caring Cats Helpfilli Activity Puzzle Game is a fun way to teach kids to perform caring acts for others.
5. Check in Regularly
Make it a habit to check in as a family: What's working? What's not? Has the load shifted unfairly lately? Just as companies hold regular team meetings to keep projects on track, families can do the same to stay connected and balanced.
Family journals are a great way to start conversations and communicate needs.
6. Celebrate Without Added Pressure
On Mother's Day, don't just add to mom's list with a flurry of expectations. Let her rest without guilt. Let her choose how she wants to spend the day. And instead of only offering gifts and cards, offer a genuine shift in how your family operates.
That might be the most meaningful Mother's Day gift of all.
Motherhood is filled with love, pride, and joy—but it's also layered with complexity. The mental load is real, and when carried alone, it can feel isolating.
This Mother's Day, let's move beyond surface-level appreciation. Let's commit to lightening the invisible load—not just for a day, but for the long haul. Let's honor mothers for what they do and the load they manage—and vow to carry it with them so they never feel alone.
About the Author:
Paige Whitley is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Florida. With over 3 years of dedicated experience, Paige has become a trusted ally for diverse populations, including the neurodivergent community, trauma survivors, substance abuse sufferers, and those navigating general mental health challenges. Since 2010, Paige has impacted young lives through her work as a lifeguard, swim teacher, behavior technician, nanny, and counselor. When not at work, she indulges in the magic of Disney Parks, enticing culinary adventures, and family time with her husband, fur babies, and baby Whitley. Passionate and empathetic, she's a catalyst for positive change, committed to making a difference in her community's mental health landscape.
