Some transitions feel like calm ripples, easy to adjust to. Others come on like waves that are sudden, strong, and hard to ride. Whether it's a daily routine shift (like turning off a favorite show) or a bigger life change (like moving or starting a new school), transitions can challenge both kids and adults.
But like surfing, navigating transitions is a skill. With a little practice, some emotional awareness, and a few simple tools, you and your family can learn to handle changes with more flexibility and less stress.
In this post, we’ll look at common reasons transitions are tough and how emotion regulation strategies, especially from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), can help. You don’t have to be a therapist or a surfer to use these tools. Just a willingness to slow down, check in, and stay steady as the tide shifts.
Why Transitions Can Feel Unsteady
Transitions, big or small, require a mental and emotional shift. For kids, switching from one activity to another can feel like being pulled out of the “fun zone” without warning. For adults, the pressure of time, logistics, or unpredictability can make transitions feel chaotic or tense.
Here are a few common reasons transitions are difficult:
• Loss of control – not getting to choose when or how something ends
• Uncertainty – not knowing what comes next
• Emotional disruption – stopping something enjoyable or starting something that feels effortful or unknown
When we understand that resistance to transitions often comes from discomfort, not defiance, we can meet those moments with more compassion and skill.
Skill #1: Identify the Emotion
In surfing, staying balanced means knowing how to read the water. Emotionally, it starts with noticing what’s going on inside. When we pause to name an emotion, we help our brains switch from reacting to responding.
For adults, this might mean saying to yourself:
“I’m feeling tense because the morning routine isn’t going smoothly.”
For kids, it might mean helping them put words to what they’re feeling:
“You look disappointed that we have to stop the game—am I right?”
This step alone often softens the moment. It helps kids feel seen and gives adults a moment to reset.
Try this: Post a simple list of feeling words in your kitchen or near a calm-down area. Checking in on your emotional “weather” can become part of the routine. Read books and play with toys that teach about feelings. Check out our blog for Helping Kids Understand Big Feelings: Color Coding Emotions with The Color Monster.
Skill #2: Use Opposite Action
Sometimes, our emotions push us toward actions that don’t really help. DBT’s “opposite action” technique is about recognizing those urges and intentionally choosing a more effective response—even when it’s hard.
For example:
• You feel irritated and want to rush your child out the door. Opposite action might be slowing your voice and giving a simple, calm choice instead.
• Your child wants to avoid homework by melting into the couch. Opposite action might be standing up, stretching, and doing just the first small task to get started.
This exercise is not meant to force you to feel something you don’t. It’s meant to teach you to use the opposite behavior to help shift the emotional current and keep you moving in the direction you want to go.
Try this: Build small “transition rituals” that use opposite action, like turning off the TV with a deep breath and a stretch, use music to signal transitions or passing time, or using movement (jumping, marching) to shift between activities.
These gentle nudges can help everyone move through resistance more easily.
Skill #3: Ride the Wave
One of the most helpful DBT tools for transitions is the idea of “riding the wave.” Emotions rise, peak, and eventually pass. The goal isn’t to block or suppress the wave, but to ride it without getting pulled under.
When kids experience strong emotions during a transition—like frustration, disappointment, or anxiety—riding the wave means staying with the feeling without reacting impulsively or trying to shut it down.
You might say to a child:
“It’s okay to feel upset right now. I’m here with you while it passes.”
Or say to yourself:
“This is a rough moment, but it won’t last forever. I can breathe through it.”
By normalizing these emotional “waves” and showing kids they can handle them, we build emotional resilience over time.
Try this: Practice “pause and notice” moments. When tension rises, gently pause the action, take a breath, and say out loud what’s happening emotionally. Modeling this helps kids learn to stay with their own feelings too.
Practical Tips for Everyday Transitions
While emotion regulation is important, structure and predictability also make a big difference in how transitions unfold.
For Children:
• Visual schedules: Use pictures or icons to show what comes next
• Countdown warnings: Give 5-, 2-, and 1-minute reminders before switching activities
• Consistent cues: Use the same phrase or sound to mark transitions (like a song or gentle bell)
For Adults:
• Add buffer time: Transitions often take longer than we think—build in extra time to reduce pressure
• Simplify routines: Fewer steps = less stress
• Check in with yourself: Your emotional tone sets the stage. A quick breath or mindset reset can help the transition go more smoothly for everyone
Building Confidence in the Waves
No family handles transitions perfectly all the time. There will be moments of pushback, frustration, or emotional overload—that’s totally normal. With the right skills and support, you can move through these moments with more calm and clarity.
Think of transition time not just as a task to manage, but as a practice in emotional growth. With tools like emotion naming, opposite action, and wave-riding, your family can learn to handle changes more smoothly—whether the water is calm or a little choppy.
Whether it’s moving from playtime to cleanup or adjusting to a new routine, transitions can be tough for both kids and adults. Try out the practical ways to manage change using DBT skills like emotion naming, opposite action, and riding the wave so your family can handle transitions with less stress.
Quick Read:
• Transitions can be hard for both kids and adults due to uncertainty, loss of control, or emotional disruption.
• Name the emotion to reduce reactivity and build emotional awareness in both children and adults.
• Use opposite action to respond effectively when emotions push toward avoidance, resistance, or frustration.
• Ride the wave by allowing emotions to come and go without reacting impulsively—model calm presence.
• Support transitions with structure like visual cues, countdowns, and buffer time to reduce conflict and build confidence.
About the Author:
Paige Whitley is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Florida. With over 3 years of dedicated experience, Paige has become a trusted ally for diverse populations, including the neurodivergent community, trauma survivors, substance abuse sufferers, and those navigating general mental health challenges. Since 2010, Paige has impacted young lives through her work as a lifeguard, swim teacher, behavior technician, nanny, and counselor. When not at work, she indulges in the magic of Disney Parks, enticing culinary adventures, and family time with her husband, fur babies, and baby Whitley. Passionate and empathetic, she's a catalyst for positive change, committed to making a difference in her community's mental health landscape.
