Friendships play a crucial role in a child’s social and emotional development. They provide a sense of belonging, boost self-esteem, and teach valuable life skills such as empathy, cooperation, and conflict resolution.
Think back to your own childhood—perhaps to summer afternoons spent riding bikes with a best friend, whispering secrets at a sleepover, or the joy of simply being included. These moments shape us, and as parents, we have the opportunity to help our children create their own treasured friendships. However, making and keeping friends doesn’t always come naturally to every child. Some may need guidance and practice to develop these essential skills. Here’s a guide to help your child meet new friends, start conversations, and build lasting relationships.
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Where to Meet Potential Friends
If your child struggles to make friends, one of the first steps is to help them find opportunities to meet like-minded peers. Here are some great places to encourage social interaction:
• School & Classroom Settings – Encourage participation in group activities and projects to facilitate natural interactions.
• Playgrounds & Parks – Free play areas often provide low-pressure environments to engage with other kids.
• Extracurricular Activities – Sports teams, dance classes, scouting organizations, or art clubs are great for meeting children with similar interests.
• Community Events & Library Programs – Many libraries and community centers offer story time, crafts, and social gatherings specifically for kids.
• Parent-Networking Playdates – Arrange informal playdates with classmates or neighbors to encourage more one-on-one interaction.
• Online Communities – In a digital age, monitored and safe online forums or gaming communities can help kids bond over shared interests, especially for children who have difficulty with in-person social interactions.
• Volunteer Activities – Participating in child-friendly community service projects can help children connect with peers who share similar values.
Starting Conversations and Inviting Others to Play
Approaching new peers and starting conversations can feel daunting for some children. Here are some strategies to help them initiate social interactions:
1. Use Simple and Friendly Openers:
- “Hi, my name is [Name]. Do you want to play with me?”
- “That’s a cool [toy/book/shirt]! Where did you get it?”
- “I like playing [game/activity]. Do you want to join me?”
2. Find Common Interests: Encouraging children to ask about the other person’s interests helps build connections. Some prompts include:
- “What’s your favorite game to play?”
- “Do you like [popular movie/book/TV show]?”
- “Do you want to build a sandcastle together?”
3. Extend Invitations to Play:
- “I’m going to play tag. Want to play too?”
- “I brought sidewalk chalk—do you want to draw together?”
- “Do you want to sit with me at lunch today?”
4. Practice Social Role-Playing at Home – Parents can help by modeling conversations and role-playing different scenarios with their children.
5. Encouraging Two-Way Conversations: A successful conversation should feel like a game of catch, where both people get a chance to speak and listen. Here are ways to help children develop this skill:
6. Practice Active Listening – Teach your child to listen carefully and respond appropriately instead of just waiting for their turn to talk
7. Ask Follow-Up Questions – Encourage curiosity about what the other person is saying:
- “Oh, you like dinosaurs? What’s your favorite one?”
- “You went to the zoo? What was the coolest animal you saw?”
8. Balance Talking and Listening – If a child talks too much about themselves, gently remind them: “It’s great to share your interests, but let’s ask your friend about their favorite things too!”
9. Recognizing Social Cues – Teach children to be aware of body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice to gauge their friend’s interest and engagement in the conversation.
10. Teaching Turn-Taking in Conversations – A helpful way to reinforce this is through games that require turn-taking, such as board games or storytelling activities.
Pro-Social Skills for Lasting Friendships
- Friendships are built on kindness, respect, and cooperation. Here are some pro-social behaviors to encourage:
- Sharing and Taking Turns – Practice with toys, games, and conversation turns.
- Showing Empathy – Teach children to recognize emotions in others and respond kindly.
- Handling Disagreements Positively – Instead of arguing, teach kids to say: “I don’t agree, but maybe we can find a game we both like.”
- Expressing Gratitude – A simple “Thank you for playing with me!” goes a long way in reinforcing friendships.
- Including Others – Encourage children to be welcoming and inclusive by asking: “Would you like to join us?” when they see someone alone.
- Apologizing When Necessary – Teach children to recognize when they have hurt a friend’s feelings and practice saying, “I’m sorry for [specific action].”
- Modeling Positive Friendships – Show children what healthy friendships look like through your own actions and interactions with others.
- Supporting Neurodivergent and Special Needs Children in Making Friends. Children who are neurodivergent (e.g., autistic, ADHD, sensory-processing challenges) may need additional support when building friendships. Here are some adaptations that can help:
- Structured Social Opportunities – Instead of open-ended play, structured activities (like board games, LEGO-building, or role-playing games) can help guide interactions.
- Explicit Social Skills Coaching – Role-playing scenarios at home can help prepare children for real-life interactions.
- Visual and Verbal Cues – Visual aids like social stories or cue cards can help remind children of conversation steps.
- Finding the Right Peer Group – Seek out like-minded children, whether through special interest clubs, social skills groups, or inclusive activities.
- Respecting Unique Social Preferences – Some children may prefer parallel play (playing near but not necessarily with others) as a stepping stone to interactive play.
- Using Assistive Communication Tools – If a child has difficulty with verbal communication, teach them alternative ways to express themselves, such as using a communication device or sign language.
- Teaching Self-Advocacy – Help children understand how to express their needs and boundaries in social situations.
- Encouraging Sensory-Friendly Play – Some neurodivergent children may prefer quiet, low-stimulation environments for socializing. Seek out sensory-friendly spaces where they can feel comfortable.
All Together Now
Friendship is a shared journey—one that brings joy, belonging, and personal growth. Helping children develop friendship skills takes patience and practice, but the rewards are immeasurable. By providing guidance on where to meet friends, how to start conversations, and how to maintain balanced interactions, you set the foundation for meaningful relationships. For children with special needs, adapting strategies to their comfort levels ensures inclusivity and success in social interactions. When we nurture connection, we create opportunities for every child to feel valued and included. Together, we can foster a world where kindness, empathy, and understanding lead the way.
About the Author:
Paige Whitley is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Florida. With over 3 years of dedicated experience, Paige has become a trusted ally for diverse populations, including the neurodivergent community, trauma survivors, substance abuse sufferers, and those navigating general mental health challenges. Since 2010, Paige has impacted young lives through her work as a lifeguard, swim teacher, behavior technician, nanny, and counselor. When not at work, she indulges in the magic of Disney Parks, enticing culinary adventures, and family time with her husband, fur babies, and baby Whitley. Passionate and empathetic, she's a catalyst for positive change, committed to making a difference in her community's mental health landscape.
